apologies

A dear one emailed me today. And, it turns out, they are being asked to apologize for something that isn't their fault. In fact, it is completely due to the immaturity of the other party involved. But, the higher authority in the matter has requested an apology be given.

I had so much fun coming up with apologies, I thought I would share some ideas. Please help me add to the list. It's quite cathartic.

"I'm sorry that you are so easily intimidated"
"I regret that you felt the need to escalate a reasonable discussion to the point of a hissy fit."
"I'm sorry you misunderstood my obvious intention to be helpful."
"I'm sorry your communication skills resemble a turrets patient."
"It was thoughtless of me to assume you would be reasonable in this discussion."
"I should never had presumed that you would rationally discuss your presentation."
"You were perfectly correct in your outburst. I should have said the same."
"I regret the offense you've given."